Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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