Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize