i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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