Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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