No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
