so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
