Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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