we have officially lost it.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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