I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
