I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
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