Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
