I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
