North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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