Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
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It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
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I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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