So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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