Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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