Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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