covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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