Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
