I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
