her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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