I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
well you can't waste a boner
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
