Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
