You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
