did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
