After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
