I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
