we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
