Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
