I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
