he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
