the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
