my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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