i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
