I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
