I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
