my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
