There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
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did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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