The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
