On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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