I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
