Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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