Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
