I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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