How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
