I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm really busy with my period
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