Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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