omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
