I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
