okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
