did you get engaged???
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
