This dress was meant to end up on your floor
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
