I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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