Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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