Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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