and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
