For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
