i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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