I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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