what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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