he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
