So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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