she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
