i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Randomize
