Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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