Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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