That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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