So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
