i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
